Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's blow job season.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
