For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well most of my day revolves around power hour
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
