I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
