just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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