; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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