There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
