It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
