i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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