He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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