doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
