Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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