I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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