meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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