My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
