I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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