The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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