i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
