I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
