Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
