He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
