Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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