Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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