I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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