I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize