Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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