Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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