what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
