New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
