I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This baby is an asshole
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
