My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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