she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize