Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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