There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
