i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Congratulations! We have a period
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
