all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
