the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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