I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
