One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
