Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
