sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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