Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
