i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
