Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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