dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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