i can't believe i had my finger in that
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
