just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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