So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
