He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
