Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
