I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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