My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
