if you like me you must not know who I am
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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