apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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