Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
