You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Found the puke drawer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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