i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
