u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
