can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
