Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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