I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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