I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
