Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
