I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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