IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
