So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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