i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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