I'm so fucking centered right now
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
