so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
