The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
