this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
