I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
