Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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