At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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