plz talk dirty to me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
