i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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